


(will you ever be) ready

by sureimiku



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Angst, Crying, Gen, Kidnapping, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Spoilers, True end au, background ludger/alvin but it's only one scene, basically: alvin takes elle in, ending is happy i promise :), post true ending, the other party members are there too but for a brief time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27369289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sureimiku/pseuds/sureimiku
Summary: After losing the man the two of them loved, Alvin takes Elle in and decides to look after her.There is a long, long list of things he isn't ready for.
Relationships: Alvin & Elle Mel Marta
Comments: 12
Kudos: 13





	(will you ever be) ready

**Author's Note:**

  * For [luxraoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxraoe/gifts).



> this is supposed to be a (very late) bday gift for a friend. i loved their au of what would happen after the true ending occurs and after ludger disappears.....alvin taking in elle is such a fav hc of mine so i'm happy to finally write it <3
> 
> also another major hc i slipped in here: alvin's apartment is in trigleph. i figured that he would likely stay there since balan also lives there, and they spent a majority of their childhood together
> 
> thanks for reading! kudos n comments are always appreciated

The trip out of Canaan is a long one. It drags, with the weight of having lost the man who led them there in the first place. The air around the seven of them is awfully dense. No one dares to speak; it seems everyone is pained. There aren’t really any words. 

Having the world safe was an immense relief, and having fractured dimensions eliminated eased their worries. Coming for them next, though, was addressing Elle and where she would stay. 

Leia is the first to speak after a long moment of silence. “Elle, about finding a new home... you could stay with my family in Leronde. I know they would love to have you. I won’t be home for a bit, but…my parents always make sure everyone is in good hands.” 

Elize takes that as a cue to speak up too. “There’s always room in Sharilton if you’d like to stay with Driselle and me. I have school, so I might not get to see you all the time...but you’re always welcome there.” 

And then, Gaius: “Rowen and I can arrange somewhere for you to stay as well.”

So many voices are speaking at once; amongst each other, themselves, with hushed voices and questioning tones. Elle wants to scream, cry, tell everyone to be quiet—

“The decision is yours, Elle,” Jude speaks up with that firm, assuring tone he always has. “Take all the time you need.” The party makes their way to the inn to make reservations for the night, being too exhausted-- both mentally and physically-- to go elsewhere. Everyone prepares to turn in for the night, wishing each other a good night before leaving the dinner table.

And then, a voice that hasn’t spoken up for what seems forever: “I’ll take her.” 

Leia’s face turns to the voice’s owner: Alvin. Truth be told, he would probably be a better guardian, but…

“I thought you had work to settle with your business… Where will she stay? Do you have a place here?” Now everyone's face at the table is a bit perplexed.

“I know. I have a place here in Elympios already. Not too busy these days anyway.” He gently places a hand on her cap, meeting eye to eye with her. “Look kid, it’s up to you. Whatever you feel comfy with. Just consider me as another option, okay?”

* * *

It’s past midnight when Elle stirs from her sleep. Careful to not wake anyone or the other inn visitors, she tiptoes outside to the main door, slowly cracking it open. 

It’s chilly at night. Chilly, yet soothing in its own way. The ebb and flow of the waves do well to set her mind at ease for the first time in hours. 

“You’ll catch a cold like this, you know.” A warm, all-knowing jacket is wrapped around her shoulders, its scent of pine still lingering. 

She shivers. “...I need some alone time.” Clearly, this statement is avoided, as Alvin takes a seat next to her on the cold stone of the harbor. “Thanks for the jacket.”

He doesn’t say anything, just a hum of approval as he looks out to the sea as well. He has his own thinking to do as well. Losing people close to him is something Alvin is awfully used to, but when you lose _three_ people in one day, it hurts more than he can imagine. 

“...I’ll go with you.”

He pauses. “What?”

Elle repeats herself. “I’ll stay with you. You said… you have a place in Elympios?”

“Trigleph, yeah… but you’re sure you don’t want to stay with the others? Driselle’s got a more luxurious place to stay, you could go to school with—"

“You said I could choose whoever I wanted, right?” Elle keeps her gaze fixed on the dark water below her. “That’s my answer.” Alvin doesn’t respond. At least a hundred things are going through his head; cleaning his apartment, balancing work on top of it...

“Please.” Her voice shakes and she clutches the jacket. “Ludger trusted you, so I’ll put my trust in you too...if you’ll have me.” 

He doesn’t give it a second thought. “Alright. Just let the others know first thing tomorrow, okay?” 

She nods, wiping the tears prickling her eyes. “...Can Rollo come too?” 

“I don't see why not. We— I’ll have to go back to the apartment to get his belongings so he can move in with us, okay?” 

“Okay.” Elle doesn’t know what awaits her tomorrow, but at least someone she can trust will be there with her.

* * *

_Age 8._

Today, he cleans up his apartment. It’s cluttered to the brim, some rooms barely touched due to his infrequent stayings here. The windows are shut, dimming the room to a fault, and the place seems...empty. 

He has a spot in Trigleph, in the place he was raised as a child. Renting an apartment in Duval is too expensive, not to mention the shady nature its people have. The apartment isn’t too far from where the brothers used to reside— a ten to fifteen minute walk, hardly. 

Despite having a spot here, Alvin has not really stayed in this place for too long. It needs severe _work_. The guest bedroom is collecting dust from not being opened in months…maybe he should start with that. The walls are painted a dull grey, the only furniture being a desk and chair. He makes a mental note to look for a bed in the future; leaving Elle to sleep on the couch would be wrong of him. 

The first day Elle comes over, she’s impressed. For a small building and not as decorative as the ones on the upper level of the city, the room is kept rather neat. Neat, but _lacking_ ; it doesn’t really feel like a home, nor feel like someone comes back here every night. 

“Do you really live here?” She asks skeptically, taking a seat on the beige couch. Not as soft as Ludger’s couch, but still comfortable to sit in. The evening sun gently spills into the room, warming her dress. “It’s...empty.” 

He rustles his hair. “I don’t really stay here that often or have visitors, but at least someone will be here to change that.” Way to lighten the mood. “Want something to eat?” Elle nods, pulling the different cans and boxes out of the pantry. 

The rest of the evening is spent in silence, except for the rustling of Elle unpacking her belongings. Alvin tells her to do whatever she wants with her room, whatever would make her feel at home the most. During dinner, he tells her that they’ll go out to get some new furniture over the weekend. 

Elle’s face genuinely lights up. A face Alvin didn’t know he could miss after not seeing it for so long. 

He’s off to a good start, but he can’t help but wonder how long it will be until everything comes crashing down. 

* * *

_Age 9._

Today, he mourns. Laments and grieves for the man that left his life in a snap, never to be seen again. 

It was an obvious fact that Alvin cared for Ludger, there was no lying about that at all. What was a lie, though, was when Elle asked him if he _loved_ him. Helping out with job requests was one story, but having _genuine f_ eelings for someone he’d only known for several months-- as much as he wanted to deny it, it hurt every time the thought crossed his mind. He remembers the first time he took the younger man to a bar and how he got absolutely wasted. 

He misses a lot about him. His laugh, how his eyes lit up when they took down an elite monster, how determined he could be, and the lengths he would go for everyone, just… he misses _everything_. He wonders how proud he would be of Elle for hanging in there. She’s a strong kid. 

Elle wakes up in the dead middle of the night, stirring from a bad dream. The clock next to her bed reads a little past twelve; a time she’s never awake at. She slowly turns the knob of her door, trying to be as silent as possible. The lights are out and the entire living room is pitch black, save for the dining table near the window, and the reflection of a crimson filled bottle. 

A figure is sitting in the chair, their head buried in their shoulders. Elle tiptoes to get a closer look, and there is no mistaking that it’s Alvin. She knows he has visitors from work over sometimes, so she usually assumed that maybe it was just one of those people. 

Elle wonders why he’s sleeping at the table, and not in his own bed. Maybe she should wake him up and tell him to go to his room. She’s about to do exactly that, but Alvin's faint voice stops her in place. 

“I’m sorry,” his voice murmurs. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” His apologies get quieter until the only thing echoing through the room is a muffled sob. It hurts like hell. It hurts to love someone with all his heart, and then they leave, shattering it into pieces. He picks up the pieces over and over, and hopefully, there will be a day where he won’t have to. 

It’s the first time Elle ever hears him like this. Behind that carefree smirk lies a man who is truly tired, pained, and desperate for someone to be by his side without leaving. 

The sobs die out after a few more minutes. Elle pretends that Alvin is sleeping for his own sake. 

* * *

_Age 10._

Today, Elle has a _load_ of homework to do. 

About a year after Ludger disappeared, Elle decided to go to school. Lounging around in the apartment didn’t do her much good, and she craved something else to do instead of watching the same television programs over and over. 

The first few days take some adjusting; being alone and not even with Rollo, being around kids her age. It takes time to fully settle into properly learning, but she manages. 

Alvin is not ready for a number of things, but helping a kid out with homework is _definitely_ not on his list. The last time he had been in school was over twenty years ago, and he doubts he can recollect his knowledge from then. 

“How do you solve this?” Elle taps the end of the pencil impatiently on the table. “I don’t remember math being this hard.” 

“Uh...kid, I hate to break it to you, but you’re asking the wrong person.” He scratches the back of his head. “I’ll have a look at it, though.” His eyebrows immediately furrow trying to decipher the equation written on the paper. Nope. No luck. 

After a moment of pondering she offers a solution to her problem. “Can I call Jude for help?” 

“He’s probably busy, Elle, I don’t think you’d wanna bother him. Why don’t you try Elize or something?” Luckily she does pick up, and Elize rightfully earns the name of Elle’s savior (academically). Amidst tutoring over the GHS the two girls catch up, the older one telling how things are going in Rieze Maxia. It almost makes Elle realize how different things could have been if she went with her. Maybe they could have gone to the same school, perhaps she would get along with the children there better than here. 

But then, she thinks about the man who took her in in the first place; he would have been alone, wouldn’t he? Hardly any family to keep in touch with, friends too far or busy to spend an evening with. 

It’s almost as if they filled the gap for each other. Alvin being the proper guardian Elle needed, and in return her being someone he could protect and properly raise. _So she wouldn’t go through what he did._

The days come and go, blending into weeks. Then the holidays blur by, the tiny apartment sporting all sorts of decorations; a medium sized Christmas tree, three stockings hung up on the wall, and soon enough several party poppers on the floor. The rest of their original entourage can't make it for the New Year’s party, so the duo spends it together. 

When the clock strikes twelve, Elle hopes the new year brings both of them happiness. 

* * *

_Age 11._

Today, he makes a mistake. Elle had entered Alvin's room unprompted while he was away at work. 

He had left it open so it’s partially his fault. When the young girl enters, the bedsheets are sprawled all over, some papers litter the small dresser, and a photo frame on his bed table catches her eye. It holds a captured memory of an older woman smiling with what seems a younger Alvin— his mother, perhaps? He never did mention his family to her or Ludger. 

The drawer of the bed table is left a bit ajar. Curiosity gets the better of Elle, and she reaches inside to scavenger for its contents. She finds what she expects: an empty bottle of whiskey of some sort, some pens, a near empty bottle of cologne, and… something golden. A gun? It’s reflecting off the light of the sunset, and something is engraved on it, and when she gets a better look--

“Don’t touch that.” 

“Huh?” Elle turns her head slowly, hands still on the gun. Alvin is supposed to get home an hour later today— Thursdays he always worked a bit later anyway. So why is he standing in the doorway of his bedroom? 

Elle clutches the gun a bit tighter. “I didn’t mean—”

_“Don’t touch it!”_

She drops the gun in fear, flinching at the sudden change of tone. Ludger yelled at her like that before, maybe once or twice, but out of fear for her. It isn't like that this time, and to Elle, that means that she _messed up._

“I’m sorry…” Her voice is laced with sadness, her eyes almost on the verge of spilling. Elle is a strong kid; she doesn’t cry at minor inconveniences, sucks the pain up, and always puts a smile on for the sake of others. She can’t quite do that now. 

It’s at this moment that Alvin realizes _he’s the one messed up._ The stress from work and the ugly recollection of memories that flood back to his head do only harm in fixing his mood. “No, Elle, I—”

“I’m sorry!” Elle darts out of the room, fast enough that Alvin doesn’t have the time to stop her. The front door opens and slams loudly, leaving the man empty in the apartment. Almost as if it were a few years ago, when the only person that ever resided here was him. 

He collapses on the bed, head in his hands. 

He’s really not ready for this. 

* * *

_Age 12._

Today, he experiences panic unlike any other. _Don’t leave the room without my permission,_ he had said, but that is not enough to kill the curiosity of a twelve year old. 

The inn they’re staying at isn’t too shady, but it isn’t too elegant either. The business trip Alvin is on is only supposed to last two days or so, no longer. Of course, Elle insisted on going; she started to miss being able to jump around from city to city instead of being stuck in Trigleph all the time. 

It’s nearly evening on the second day when he returns to the room for the evening. Another successful negotiation with an Elympion seller. So far so good. 

Or so he thought. 

“Elle?” Alvin knocks twice, three times at their room door before opening it. “I’m coming in.” When he enters, something is immediately off. She’s not sitting at the bed like she said she would, her bag is gone…

 _Shit._ He runs for his life down the stairs, calling out Elle’s name and hoping for a response. When she doesn’t respond he takes to searching outside, but the sun is already setting. 

_“Elle!”_ Still no response. Bringing her to the depths of Duval already sounded like a bad idea, but he just couldn’t leave the girl alone for several days. Night time is the prime time for all the well-known incidents that fly around Elympios. Robberies, street fights, kidnapping… he shudders thinking about the latter thought. 

He asks everyone he can if they’ve seen a young girl with pigtails and a yellow backpack. His heart sinks deeper every time they say no or scold him for bringing such a vulnerable child out here. Dear _god,_ Alvin thinks, _I am not fit for being a guardian of any sort._ If only he knew that this was the anxiety and burden he would have to shoulder. 

Half an hour later, after scouring every corner he can in the crowded city, a group of individuals in the back alley arouse suspicion in him. It’s late at night now, the only illumination coming from the bar’s flickering sign and nearby apartments. 

Careful to not cause suspicion himself, he steps behind the bar, trying to peer over at the small group. 

“...Damn, that girl is wild. She looks hardly above the age of 10 with that yellow backpack.” 

_What?_

“Yeah, well she got what she deserved now, don’t you think?” The lack of another voice speaking tells Alvin that there’s no one else there, which is a good thing. He's sat around like this for too long. “If she keeps it up I’ll have to resort to—”

“Give her _back!”_ The ex-mercenary can’t handle listening anymore. The echo of the bullet through the alley is enough to send the men in fear, causing them to draw their weapons in return. They don’t have time for that though, because Alvin is already colliding his fist with their faces and pointing his gun at them. “Tell me now, or _else_.” 

“T-the alley over there! She’s fine, I swear!” The pair scampers off before he can cause any more commotion. 

“Elle.” His voice is shaking as he turns and tosses the black bags and boxes that litter the back alley. “Elle, say something, _please_.” A pile of bags stirs around, and Alvin thinks it’s just the wind, but it’s repetitive and it sounds like someone is stuck under there— 

Throwing the bags aside, the image of Elle slumped against the wall makes Alvin feel like he’s a failure, a disappointment for letting this happen in the first place. Thinking back on it, leaving a twelve year old in a hotel room by herself, in one of the shadiest areas of Elympios was an awful idea. 

“Are you okay!?” He examines her for any injuries; there are a few scratches on her face and her once bright pigtails are dirtied and darkened. 

“Oh... Alvin,” the young girl manages, forcing out a weak smile. “I’m sorry. I wanted to s-see if you were coming back—”

Her wrists are red like something had been keeping her in place for hours. Not to mention the back alley isn’t the safest place to be in the first place; glass shards litter the floor, the lack of lights making it impossible to see. 

“Don’t leave like that _again_!” Now he’s the one that sounds like they're on the verge of tears; he thought she had been taken to some cave on the highroad, or as much as he doesn't want to think about it, _dead._ No more words are spoken after that, and actions speak louder for him when he clutches her as tight as he can. 

There are a million things he wants to say, yet the only thing that spills off his tongue are the words _I’m sorry._ He embraces her the tightest he has his entire life. As tight as the time he hugged his mother for the last time as a child. Tighter than when he hugged his ex-lover for the first time, his partner not knowing that their time together was only temporary. 

At least this time, he doesn’t let go. 

* * *

_Age 15._

Today, he shows her how to wield a gun. Not too common around this part of Elympios, really, but just in case she needs the skills to use one. 

She’s been asking to learn for months now. She got a hands on experience with a hammer already, and needless to say, it was...very hard trying to pry her from it. 

“And you told me this wasn’t a children’s toy,” Elle mocks, the guns weighing down in both her hands. They’re borrowing a gun from Spirius for the time being; dual pistols. In fact, they’re similar to the ones Ludger once wielded. Elle insisted she got two and not one. 

“It’s _not._ I’m only showing you how to use it in case you get into an emergency. In case I’m... not there for you.” 

Elle’s face reads _why did you say it like that,_ but Alvin wipes the facial expression off his own face before she can question it further. “Let’s get into position, yeah?” The young girl steadies the weapons in her hands, fingers wrapping lightly around the trigger. Teaching how to dual wield should not be this hard for Alvin, but he used one gun and not _two._ Hell, these guns are incredibly light, compared to the massive one he carried around all the time. 

The man stands behind her, wrapping his own hands around hers to steady her aim. “You want to make sure the clip is loaded before anything, and that you have a good idea of where you’re shooting.” He lessens his grip so she has more control over her aim. “It might take a while, but once you get the hang of it, you can shoot as fast as...”

Elle releases the trigger, and the bullet hits near the center of the target that Alvin had set up. _First shot._

“Like that?” The young girl grins, twirling the guns in her hands. Alvin saves her the painfully long lesson he had planned to teach about wielding properly. “Yeah, just like that. I’ll still give you a few pointers, though.” 

The two of them spend the rest of the day practicing, practicing for something Elle knows she will have to put to use someday. Maybe for taking down some monsters for gald, maybe for protecting someone who needed it. 

“You want to go get something to eat?” He brings up as they pack their belongings. “Some new place opened by the train station.” 

"Can we!? The pasta we got last night was _gross._ " 

Alvin's face drops a bit. "Just say you don't like my cooking."

Elle freezes. "Wait, you made it?" The list of things Alvin can cook is not too long, but it's not too short either. As far as Elle can remember, pasta was not one of his best dishes. Maybe because of the tomatoes? 

After an awkward period of silence, she continues: "Just add some more salt next time. That was the only part I didn't like."

Alvin can't help but grin at that as they enter the station. "Whatever you say, master chef."

* * *

_Age 16._

Today, Alvin comes home to a teenager in long sleeved pajamas and the living room lights halfway dimmed. He eyes Rollo in his designated corner, napping without a single care in the world. 

“Welcome home,” she starts, before her voice grows excited, “Get yourself ready and I’ll put on the movies, okay?” 

The man rubs his eyes to make sure he’s not dreaming. “Huh— Elle, what is this all about?” 

“What do you _mean?”_ She huffs. “I thought we were supposed to watch movies together after you got off of work. It’s the weekend too, so you have no excuses.” The merchant jogs his memory. 

Ah. _Right._ She did mention wanting to have a movie marathon at the end of the week. The last thing Alvin wants to do is sit on the couch in front of a TV; he would rather go for a shower and crash on his bed like he always did. 

He attempts to protest. “But—”

“No buts!” She practically pushes him into his room. “Get some pajamas on or something. And shower, please.” 

“Way to tell me directly.” 

* * *

Having a business look is one thing, but being able to dress and lounge however you want is another story. Alvin on the outside wore a navy blue coat and pants, a long yellow scarf, and a purple undershirt accompanying it, with hair styled back appropriately for business society. 

Alvin on the inside wore a plain, white t-shirt, shorts, and left his hair completely tousled after a fifteen-minute shower. 

“It’s a marathon of all the Sunscreen Ranger movies?” The man takes his assigned seat on the couch, a bowl of popcorn and other snacks separating the two of them. “Elle, do you know how long this is gonna be?”

“Probably past midnight! Which is why we had to do it on the weekend!” She beams, and Alvin knows he _can’t_ back out at this point. 

At least the apartment really feels like home now. Stickers are plastered on Elle's pink colored dressers, a small collection of stuffed animals residing on top of it. In the living room, the main table houses a photo frame of the entire party and a potted pot of flowers Elle can’t quite remember the name of. A small wicked candle on top of the kitchen counter smothers the room in a warm vanilla scent. 

A few hours pass into their binge-watch and Alvin really can’t keep his eyes open any longer. When he checks the time, it’s an hour past midnight. By the looks of it, this marathon is not even close to being finished. 

“You’re still awake?” Elle pokes the remote at his leg. “I’m kind of sleepy too, but this movie just hit the halfway point.” The TV emits sounds of a laser gun and robot voices talking; is Sunscreen Rangers even supposed to be running this late? 

“Yeah… go to your room or something,” he stifles a yawn, “your neck will hurt like hell if you sleep like this tonight. Just finish the movie another time.” Spoken from true experience. Never crash home on the couch after a long day of work, because if you sleep the wrong way you’re _fucked._

“Fine, fine.” A scream from the TV and Elle pulls up the blanket closer to her chest. “On second thought… I’m gonna finish this movie.” 

Alvin doesn’t have it in him to protest back. His eyelids grow heavy and soon he’s drifting off to sleep. 

* * *

He wakes early in the morning, out of habit. For a job of having to sell fruit, it did not mean he could arrive to work late in the day. Most of the people around here do their shopping in the morning anyway, he had noticed. 

The man silently curses to himself. There’s an awful crick in his neck, and after working an entire week, this is certainly not what he wants to deal with for the weekend. 

He’s about to get up and see what time it is; the TV is still running, its volume fairly softer now, and the sky outside is colored a dark blue with the slightest of the sun’s rays peeking out. It is at this point that he realizes something, no, _someone_ is weighing him down. 

There is no mistaking the mess of blonde hair spilled all over his shoulder. Elle never went to her room last night, apparently. 

“Hey…” He gently shakes her in an attempt to wake her up. “Elle.” 

No response. Although slim, a faint smile is painted on her face. “Mmm… no… give me two more hours.” 

It’s the weekend anyway, no harm in sleeping in a little more. He gazes once more at her before going back to sleep himself. The pancakes he's supposed to surprise her with can wait a little longer. There are several things Alvin can say he was never ready for… but _this_?

Yeah. He could be ready for this. 

**Author's Note:**

> elle was very happy about the pancakes.  
> these two are gonna be alright :')


End file.
